


The Bombastic Bag Girl

by ArcannaRyu



Category: Spider-Man - All Media Types
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-28
Updated: 2019-04-28
Packaged: 2020-02-08 15:23:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18625963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArcannaRyu/pseuds/ArcannaRyu
Summary: What if the one off Spiderman alternate costume "the bombastic bag man" which he pretended to be one afternoon in the comics when he lost his costume, so he went home wearing a paper bag over his head to hide his identity with, were an actual legit character all on their own? And also genderbent?This is that weird concept realized.





	The Bombastic Bag Girl

Mary McMarison is a young woman whose appearance could best be described as plain. Brown hair, brown eyes, and a face who's only defining feature was that it had none, which was currently showing an expression of extreme boredom that added to her overall dullness while she swiped groceries across a scanner and stuffed them into paper bags while wearing an uninspired cashier uniform.   
A fresh college dropout, working minimum wage at a small grocery store in New York, was just about all anyone knew about her. But little did she know that on this very day her life would change forever, she would become…interesting.

 

An old man wearing the same dreary uniform as Mary shuffles up to her register and opens his mouth to speak. You can see that he's missing a few teeth, and with a wheeze that suggests he may have been a smoker in his early years, he says.  
"Mary, go out back with Jacob and help unload the delivery truck. I want it all on the shelves by the end of your shift."  
Without even a look at the man, Mary gets out from behind the register and makes her way to a door at the back of the store marked employees only. She gets out her key, unlocks the door, and with a swift motion shoves her shoulder against the old door to force it open.   
The store should probably get it replaced, but Mary really isn't one to complain about such things, in fact she almost seemed to enjoy the manual labor. When it came to lifting or carrying things around she was never one to shirk her duties.

 

She exits through a door in the back into alley behind the shop, with a man in a delivery truck unloading boxes to a guy in the same uniform as Mary.   
It's raining slightly, but not enough to get you that wet. Still as she looks at the sky, the dark and angry looking storm clouds hint that the rain may get worse soon, so she quickly works to get all the boxes inside.  
Jacob and the truck driver chat as they work but she ignores them.

 

She picks up another box when, BOOM!   
The entire alley is illuminated with a blinding flash of light and a deafening crash of thunder as an ark of lightning strikes the box labeled shampoos, perfume, etc. Mary's holding.   
She screams in surprise, as she gets drenched in a once-in-a-lifetime mix of perfumes, herbs and non-toxic chemicals.

 

"Ghaaaaa! It's in my eyes!"

 

She screams while furiously rubbing her eyes, which were not only blinded by the flash, but now burn from the chemicals.

 

"Mary are you alright?!"

 

Jacob says while rushing over to her.

 

"I can't see. Help me to the bathroom so I can wash this stuff out of my eyes."

 

He leads her to the women's restroom, where she furiously tries to wash all the soap from her eyes. Her vision returns as the image burned into her retinas from the lightning begins to fade and her eyes are rinsed out.  
She looks at herself in the mirror. Her eyes are bloodshot from the soaps, which plastered her hair down had begun to dry on her skin. She walks out of the bathroom, only to see the old man and Jacob standing there waiting.

 

"Jacob here told me you got struck by lightning. Do I have to call you an ambulance or anything?"

the old man asks. 

 

"No. Don't worry I'm fine. It didn't hit me." 

 

"Well, you look fine, but you can't keep working looking like that, go home get a shower, and take the rest of the day off. If anything goes wrong you go right to a doctor you hear me?"

 

"Yea, yea." 

She says in a tone hinting that she's had this conversation before.

 

"I'm serious Mary. For once in your life show some responsibility. Now is not the time to do something stupid that might get you hurt, and I can't be there to look out for ya all the time."

 

"Hey." 

She says with a hint of annoyance, 

"This isn't like that time with the fruit stand, or the box of scissors" 

"Or the vending machine" 

Jacob chimes in as he walks over.

"Yah, or the vending machine. I'm fine I swear."

"And you better not go out drinking neither." 

He's really starting to sound like a concerned parent now.

"Aww come on old timer you know me better than that. I've got too much willpower. Also I can't afford booze."

 

"Good because..."

 

But she cuts in.

 

"Not even the cheap stuff. I can't even afford to buy the stuff the hobo down my street drinks."

He sees right through her ruse.

"You're still not getting a raise."

" Darn."

"Now go home and get yourself cleaned up. I'm tired of looking at ya."

The sun has set by the time she enters her tiny apartment, which was consisted of only two rooms. A bathroom and a combination bedroom and kitchen.   
After a quick shower she walks over and slumps into her bed, lying there face down for a moment before reaching to turn off the lights.

There's almost no difference. 

Annoyed she sits up, the bulb was still glowing, so she tries turn off the lights again. The bulb goes dark but the room seems just as bright as before.   
She flips the switch again and again, curious as to why her room didn't seem to get any darker. Come to think of it, she had never turned on her lights to begin with. Then she figured it out.   
She had night vision!   
And not only that, she could fly -- twelve feet above the ground!   
She had the strength of two-and-a-half-men!   
And the ability to act without fear of the consequences or just common sense in general! 

So donning a blue tank top, brown sweatpants, a pair of fingerless brown gloves, and lastly, a brown paper bag with eye holes cut into it to hide her secret identity, she would henceforth be known as…  
The Bombastic Bag Girl!

 

The drone of the big city echoed through the chilly night air as The Bombastic Bag Girl patrolled the streets for crime. Unsure of how one was supposed to go about these things, she decided to simply find the most dangerous neighborhood she knew of and aimlessly wander around. 

Well she didn't have to wander for long. She hears the click of a gun being cocked coming from behind her.

 

"Hand over all your money now and nobody gets hurt."

 

She follows her first instinct and throws her hands in the air saying

 

"I surrender, don't shoot!"

 

Before she gives the man all the money in her wallet and watches as he runs off.

 

"...Dammit! I just got mugged!"

 

Give her a minute to think about it…..  
"DAMMIT! I'm supposed to be superhero-ing and I just got mugged by a mugger I'm supposed to stop! *Sigh*. Maybe I'm just not cut out to be a hero…  
Maybe I should be a villain! I do have a pretty good evil laugh. Maybe rob a few banks, find myself an arch nemesis to swear vengeance on over some trivial matter, get sent to prison, break out, wash rinse repeat, I could live with that…. Nahh id rather be a hero, maybe if I get too behind on the rent I'll move to the side of villainy."

 

She walks off in search of more crime, when as she rounds a corner she almost runs into a man in a bright, very garish orange leather jacket with an almost charming grin on his face.

 

"That had to be the FUNNIEST thing I've seen all week!"

 

"Who are you?"

She asks,

 

"I should be asking the same thing."

He replies snarkily.

 

"I'm the Bombastic Bag Girl."

 

And he bursts out laughing, not trying to stifle it in the slightest bit, and goes on for a good while, clutching his sides, as Bag-Girls face turns red under her mask. Eventually he calms down.

 

"Babes you are just TOO funny! And that costume! That has to be the most ridiculous costume I've ever seen, and I've seen some real doosys."

 

"Hey! What's wrong with my costume!"

 

"Everything. I love it."

 

"Seriously though, your creeping me out, get lost before I make you."

 

"After that little stunt with the mugger? HA! I doubt you could even take on my grandma. Though to be fair, she was a real tough old woman. Now were you planning on 'patrolling' the streets some more, cause I could really use the laughs."

 

"Sorry I'm not in the market for sidekicks."

 

She hovers a few feet of the ground. And with a mocking half salute says

 

"So long creep!"  
And she rockets off along the streets, before landing a good distance away from where she met the oddly dressed man. She looks over her shoulder to see if he was following her, breathes a sigh of relief, and turns back around.

 

"Hey toots."

 

She recoils in surprise. Then gathering herself, she plants her feet and throws a punch, but her fist just passes through him.

 

"Whuh?"

 

She throws another punch, this one passes through as well. Pulling back she tries to touch him, but her hand meets nothing but air. She takes a better look at the man, trying to ignore his bright orange jacket.  
He's kinda short for a guy, and looks to be in about his 30's, but now that she really looks at him, he looks pretty sick. His unkempt pale blond hair is almost shoulder length and his skin is a very pale. His eyes are sunken, with dark rings around them, and are a sickly yellow, with dark brown irises making his pupils seem almost unnaturally large. His pants are a brownish orange and he wears black leather boots. In fact she's surprised she didn't notice just how odd he looked before, but in her defense, it is a really bright orange jacket.

 

"What are you?" 

she asks the man.

 

"That's a good question."

 

"Am I crazy?"

 

"Probably. I know a sane person wouldn't try and fight crime in a paper bag." 

he says sincerely.

 

"So are you just some side effect of gaining my powers?"

 

"Sure, let's go with that."

 

"...Ok."

 

And she starts walking off.

 

"Ok? Just like that?" 

he asks as he floats eerily after her.

 

"Hey, you aren't the first hallucination I've had, and probably won't be the last."

 

"You did a lot of drugs in college didn't you?"

 

"Damn strait."

 

"Heh, Groovy."

 

"Well if you're gonna stick around, then what should I call you?" 

She says, trying to change the subject.

 

"Babes you can call me whatever the hell you want to." 

He replies, while shifting into a reclining position in midair and closing his eyes as if he were about to take a nap.

 

"How about Fred?"

 

"Except Fred."

 

"Well what's wrong with Fred?"

 

"It's a long story."

 

"Well how about John?"

 

"Too common."

 

"Whitney?"

 

"Too girly."

 

"Alex?"

 

"I have a strong aversion to the letter x. Also a long story."

 

"Kyle?"

 

"Nahh."

 

"Mike?"

 

"Nope!"

 

"David?"

 

"Nu-uh."

 

"Dylan?"

 

"No way."

 

"Ummmm, how about Flurgg?"

 

He opens one eye to look quizzically at her. 

"You just pull that one off the top of your head did you?"

 

"Well its short for flying ghost guy."

 

He stares at her for a moment. Then sits up in midair and motions as if her were counting on his fingers.

 

"Alright first off there's no R in flying ghost guy and you're really pushing the U, and second...I love it."

 

"Wait so I'm really gonna have to call you Flurgg?"

 

"Hey you picked the name."

 

She shoots him a dirty look while thinking to herself 

"Yea, barely."

 

"So you gonna spend the rest of the night on the town?" 

he asks  
She starts walking off. 

"Nah, im gonna try and sleep you off, and then get back to crime fighting without an obnoxious fashion disaster following me around."

 

Not long after she storms through the doors to her apartment building, mask off, with Flurgg floating close behind.

 

"Quit following me!"

 

"You rather I meet you there?"

 

"NO!"

 

Her landlord, who stays up late due to the number of less...permanent customers seeking to rent a room for the night, recognizes Mary, but can't see Flurgg, and says.

 

"Hey Mary, who you talking to."

 

"Mary? That's a nice name." 

Flurgg remarks, to which bag girl replies with a furious.

 

"Shut up!"

She storms past her bewildered landlord and up the stairs to her small apartment. And in a last ditch attempt to get rid of Flurgg she stands in front of the door.

 

"I'm not letting you into my house."

 

"What am i a vampire?" 

He says while ghosting through the wall into her apartment.

 

"Grrrr... Id throttle you if you weren't intangible!" 

She yells at the door before getting out her key and opening it while grinding her teeth in anger.

"Ain't no locked door that can keep me out." 

he says with a false pride that's intended only to annoy.  
She shudders at the thought and swears never to shower again as long as Flurgg is still around. Which actually might not be so bad, because for some reason, even though she had been out all night and should smell pretty gamey, she still smelled pretty nice. Perhaps one of her new superpowers was smelling good?

"You know, having a floating man following me around is bad enough for my mental health, the least you could do is show some respect."

 

"Nah, I've always been more of an anti-establishment sort of guy. You know, footloose, fancy free, rebel without a clue. I don't have much respect for authority."

 

"Wow, you know, I've never been considered as authority before."

 

"You too huh?"

 

She pauses for a moment and looks at the floor as if considering something.

 

"I could almost swear your real."

 

"They all say that."

 

The lights of skyscrapers in the night filter through her window, the clock shows it to be 2 in the morning, and Mary, not being able to afford a TV or computer to occupy her time, lays in bed with her eyes wide open staring up at Flurgg, who looked almost as if he were leaning over the edge of a bed in midair to return Mary's stare with a mischievous smile on his face.  
After doing everything she could think of to get rid of Flurgg, she eventually just got into bed and kept an eye on him. They had been locked in this staring contest for almost an hour, though Flurgg was clearly winning since he didn't need to blink. Which added to the awkwardness of the situation, especially since his yellow eyes glowed slightly. Mary pipes up.

 

"I can't sleep."

 

"Awww what's the matter?" 

he says with false concern, mimicking what a parent might say to a child afraid of monsters in the closet.

 

"There's a creepy ghost guy floating above my bed who won't go away."

 

"That sounds pretty serious, anything I could do to help?"

 

"Yea. Get the hell out of my apartment."

 

He turns over onto his side in midair and polishes his fingernails on his jacket. 

"Well I wouldn't want to ruin my fun. I'm having a blast here. Nothing like making people question their sanity to keep me amused."

 

"But I have to work tomorrow. Crazy or not I still have to pay the bills."

 

"Work?" 

He says with a look of slight confusion on his face.

 

"Yea, work. 9-5, punch the clock, nose to the grindstone? Any of this ringing a bell?"

 

He hadn't thought about that, having only been looking forward to a day of laughing his ass off at this wannabe hero. Watching her do some menial, minimum wage job was not how he wanted to spend the day. He'd have to find a way to correct this. Regaining his aloof demeanor he responds.

 

"Alright toots, i'll sleep in the hall. Since work seems sooooooo important to you."

He ghosts out the door, wringing his hands evilly as he thinks up a plan to free up the next day for bumbling attempts at crime fighting.  
Mary isn't convinced that he'll stay there and tries to keep an eye out for him. But despite her attempts to fight it, exhaustion gets the best of her and she drifts off into an uneasy sleep.

 

It isn't long before she's back at her boring old job as a cashier in a grocery store, while Flurgg floats around the store complaining loudly.

 

"How can you stand this? I've only been here for half an hour and I'm already bored. Watching snails cross the street is time better spent than this! Too bad we're in New York and snails are hard to come by."

 

She flashes a quick glare at him but says nothing, not wanting to seem like she's talking to herself. But dirty looks hadn't stopped him before and it certainly won't stop him now.  
The hours drone on as Flurgg relentlessly complains about how boring it is having to float around watching Mary run a cashier all day while she grits her teeth trying to hold back the slew of comebacks and choice swear words she has for the obnoxious apparition;   
but then he pulls out the big guns.  
Like a small child in the back seat of a car trying to get their parents attention, he starts repeating Mary's name over and over with an obnoxious whine. Just over and over and over again, each time more annoying than the last.

 

Her face turning red, teeth and fists tightly clenched, her already frayed patience snaps with a slam of fists on conveyor belt, startling the middle age woman who was unloading her groceries onto the counter before getting knocked out of the way as Mary vaults over her cashier station and storms over to where Flurgg floats, who's looking pretty pleased with himself at having finally caused her to snap. Pointing an angry finger at him she lets loose.

 

"SHUT THE @#$% UP YOU@#$@*! !@#%#@!%. I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR @@#$%! I DONT CARE HOW !@#$%@ BORED YOU ARE YOUR EAITHER GONNA WAIT HERE QUIETLLY OR GO SOMEWHERE THE @#$% ELSE! BUT NOOOOO INSTEAD YOU HAVE TO STAY HERE AND ANNOY ME FOR 5 HOURS! 5 *&^#$ HOURS! I SWEAR IF YOU WERENT SOME GOD DAM GHOST ID TEAR OF YOU @#*&# AND SHOUVE IT UP YOUR @*^$ AND THEN !!@#$% #$@^ @#$@*^ ON YOUR *&@#$ WITH #%&!@ AND EAT A @$^%$ $$%^&*% $%%^% WITH A HIPPO AND #$%^@% @#%*)(_!@$% SO YOU'LL HAVE TO @#$% SIDEWAYS!!."

 

Her breathing slows back down as the magnitude of what she's just done sinks in, and with unease she looks at the store around her.  
Everyone within view looks at Mary with a combination of disgust and shock from this sudden outburst at what appears to be thin air, even the once triumphant Flurgg is shocked, and admittedly a little hurt.  
The silence is finally broken by the old man in charge of the store.

 

"Mary…. your fired."

She sits on the curb, chin resting on her hands and looking thoroughly sorry for herself while Flurgg floats on the sidewalk behind her, hands in pockets.

 

"Come on, quit your sulking and get to the senseless violence."

 

"You just got me fired from my job." 

She snaps back.

 

" Correction. You got you fired from your job. I'm just a figment of your imagination remember? That is what we agreed on yes? And besides, have you ever considered that this may be a good thing? Now you have a lot more time to devote to being a superhero."

 

"Yea, more like super-hobo."

 

"Your costume already makes you look like a homeless person, I doubt this is going to have that big an impact on your superhero career."

 

"Says the guy who doesn't have to eat or sleep."

 

Annoyed he snaps back.   
"Hey, that job was a soul crushing pit of boredom without the slightest chance of career advancement. You should be thanking me for getting you fired!"

 

"....You know what, your right."

 

"Of course I am."

 

"I hated that job!"

 

"Now you're talkin!"

 

"I deserved better than that!"

 

"I'm not sure if that's really the case, but why not!"

 

"And if I can't find a better job I can always become a super villain!"

 

"Alright, that might be taking it a bit too far. I followed you around to see you fail as a hero, not a villain, I've seen enough failed villains this year and I'd like to shake it up a bit."

 

"Huh?"

 

"Uhhh, never mind. Let's just go fight some crime."

 

So Bag-girl starts wandering around dangerous neighborhoods again. Looking for crime to fight. But Flurgg is not impressed.

 

"You really expect to find crime to fight by just wandering around like this?"

 

"It works for most heroes."

 

"Yea, but they can actually cover a lot of distance in a day, and know where to look. Plus there's a reason they stick to the rooftops rather than trudging through alleys like this"

 

"Hey, I can fly! That can cover some distance!"

 

"You don't fly, you hover 12 feet off the ground."

 

"13 feet, and i can move pretty damn fast!"

 

"Don't remind me. Look this is getting painfully dull. How about I go and find some crime, and i'll let you know when I find it."

 

He quickly fades from view, only to reappear about half a minute later.

"That was fast."

 

"Hey I live to please."

 

"More like annoy."

 

"That too. Now come on. I found some secret cult of demon worshipers trying to summon minions." 

He says while floating off in the direction of the cult.

 

"Wow, sounds dangerous." 

she remarks, following Flurgg.

 

"Not for someone of your abilities."

 

She follows Flurgg through the city, before reaching a decrepit apartment, similar to her own. Flurgg guides her to a small window that looks into the basement. It's dimly lit, but thanks to bag girls night vision she can see the room clearly.  
Blood red candles are scattered around the room, which is filled with dusty old books, vials of unknown substances, and animal bones, all surrounding a pentagram in the exact center of the room.  
There are three figures, dressed entirely in black, kneeling in the pentagram. Their hands on a shot glass over an aged piece of parchment.

"That's a bunch of Goth teenagers with a wigi board." 

she says in annoyance and a little bit of annoyance.

 

"I did say someone of your abilities." 

Flurgg replies truthfully.

 

"So you expect me to just waltz in and beat the snot out of a bunch of innocent kids who think they're messing with the occult?"

 

"I guess you're not as stupid as i thought". 

He mutters under his breath before trying to cover it up with

"Uhh I mean those aren't just regular kids messing with the occult, those kids are trying to summon a demon, again."

 

"And you would know this how?"

 

"I'm just going to go out on a limb here and say, trust me on this one."

 

"Well, alright." 

she says, kneeling next to the window

 

"Wow you really are stupid. *sniff*, Im so happy." 

he says to himself quietly while wiping away a tear.

 

She smashes through the window, startling the teens as she slides through the narrow window and lands catlike in the basement.

 

"This séance is over."

 

"You've got to be kidding me. Who do you think you are barging into my grandmother's basement?" 

one of the kids yells.

 

"Maybe she's the demon we've been trying to summon."

 

"Idiot, that's obviously some girl with a bag over her head." 

says the female Goth

 

"Well how the hell am i supposed to know? I've never seen a demon before." 

he replies angrily.

"Well I have" 

the Goth girl states with a forceful tone laced with pride. She seems to be the leader of the group 

"and they don't look like wanna-be super heroes. Now get the hell out before you ruin everything." 

she says to Bag-girl.

"Not until i tech you kids a lesson."

she replies while cracking her knuckles menacingly.

"That's it, I'm out of here." 

says the teen with a Mohawk as he tries to back away.

"No! Don't leave the pentagram! You'll ruin the ritual!"

the girl almost seems to scream in fear.

"Heck with that. I'm not gonna get my ass kicked just to talk with some demon." 

says the third teen.

"Shhh! Don't insult the demon when we're in the pentagram! It can hear you!"

Bag-girl walks towards the teens, who back away, but try to stay in the pentagram.

"Yea, and just what is this demon gonna do huh? Make you watch a Jerry Springer marathon? Force you to dress in bright cheery colors? "

A deep hum is emitted from the ouija board 

"Heck I bet that even if you were talking to a demon, and yes I am religiously tolerant enough to be open to the possibility of demons existing, I bet he's just a big pushover."

 

Just then the wigi board bursts into flames and the pentagram begins to glow red as deep cracks snake outward across the floor. The air distorts as if they were surrounded by heat waves, though the temperature remains the same.  
Bag-girl is frozen to the spot in shock, observing the unusual phenomena around her with awe, but the screaming of the female Goth snaps her out of it.

 

"You idiot! What did you do!?"

 

Now seeing the terrified teens she reminded that 

"Oh yea, we're in mortal danger." 

And roughly tosses them one by one out the window she had used to break into the basement, where they immediately dash off, and following them out once the last teen is thrown through the window.  
And just in time too, because just as she exits the house a deafening crunch is heard, as something massive quickly expands from the basement, splitting the old apartment block in half.  
A vibrant green limb reaches out from the wreckage, followed by the rest of the creature, which is still rapidly expanding and clawing its way out of the building.

 

It's insect-like, almost like a giant green ant, but unlike an ant its mounted on 8 legs tipped with large, wickedly sharp and jagged feet that are almost harpoon-like in their design, with one edge being serrated, and the other being smooth. Its armored almost like a centipede, but with 2 rows of sharp backward curving spines that reach down its back and belly and up its long neck ending in a toothed maw with a pair of small insect like eyes and a long purple tongue. It stops growing when it reaches about 5 stories of drooling monstrosity and lets out a piercing screech as it and begins to walk down the street, its spear like legs stabbing the pavement with each step.

 

"Alright, what did you do?" 

says an oddly calm and casual voice.  
She spins around to see Flurgg floating behind her.

 

"It wasn't me, you can't prove anything!" 

she says, panicking while the giant insect drives one of its massive spear-like legs into the side of a building, causing it to collapse, and roars with pride at its power. But there would be time for wanton destruction later; right now it was on a mission, exterminate the moron who insulted its master. Its massive head turns to face bag-girl and Flurgg.

 

"Mary, you should really start running right about now." 

Flurgg points out with an oddly calm, but still slightly amused demeanor, as if he were commenting on the weather and not a massive killing machine.

 

"No way Flurgg, I'm a superhero. It's my fault this thing is here and now I have to take care of It."

her resolve stiffening as she says the words.

 

"Your kidding right?" 

he says, now with a hint of unease in his voice.  
Her silence speaks in volumes.

"What are you thinking, you'll get yourself killed."   
now with plenty of concern in his voice. But then he realizes 

"Wait, what am I thinking, this'll be hilarious! Go get em tiger!" 

and he slaps her on the back playfully, but wait, she felt that, how could she have felt that is he's just a hallucination?  
No time to think about it now, the giant demon-bug drives one of its massive spear-legs into the pavement where bag girl had been standing a fraction of a second earlier, half leaping half flying out of the way before weaving between the other bladed feet, looking for some kind of opening.

 

Only able to hover a few feet off the ground all she can reach is the things spiked feet, which after nearly breaking her hand punching one, turned out were not only sharp, but also heavily armored.  
Felling the slight impact from her punch the creature's long neck whips down to see bag girl hovering near one of its legs, clutching her hand and swearing loudly. 

With a roar, the creature's head lunges forward, and with a very audible "click" its jaws snap together a few feet from Bag Girl, who sped back to avoid the jaws, but the creatures long, pointed tongue flicks out and grabs bag girl around the waist, as the head moves out from under its body and back into the air in one swift motion, throwing a screaming bag girl up into the air to be caught and eaten.

 

In what feels like slow motion she stops rising into the air and begins to descend, right into the gaping, toothy jaws below her, straining to try and fly, she plummets, only to come to a halt 12 feet above the creatures jaws, because as long as she has ground below her she can hover above it. Panicking, she hovers out of the mouth before the massive jaws snap shut like a bear trap, and plummets back to the ground to catch herself again and hover off at top speed. The monster bellows and runs after her, leaving a trail of destruction in its wake.  
Flurgg suddenly appears beside her, hovering at the same fast pace she's going.

 

"So, chickening out after all. And just when things were getting good."

 

"No I'm not, I have a plan. Just give me a minute to think of it."

 

With a smirk Flurgg rolls his eyes

 

"Look, I'm obviously the brains of this outfit, so how about you let me think of a way out before you get yourself killed."

 

"Why do you care if I kick the bucket? You weren't exactly concerned 30 seconds ago when it tried to eat me." 

she says as the giant monster knocks over a water tower behind them.

 

"You know when you have a favorite TV show and you don't want it to go off the air, that's you. Your too dang funny to lose just yet. And besides what's a good show without some drama, and the way you just throw yourself into suicidal situations, babes you've got drama in droves. Now follow me." 

Flurgg disappears into thin air, and bag girl halts for a moment to turn left and right, trying to see where he went.

 

"Hey! Over here!" 

She looks over and see's Flurgg frantically waving and pointing at a gun store before ghosting through one of the walls into the store. She leaps across a parked car and fly's over to the store. The door's locked, but she busts it down and enters.

"Hey toots back here!" 

comes the muffled voice of Flurgg from a reinforced door behind the counter.  
She opens it and sees Flurgg reclining in midair just above a stand holding an actual legit Gatling gun plus bullets 

"Try this one on for size."

 

The monster comes to a halt and looks around for its target. Its neck twisting like a snake as it tries to pick up the perfumed scent of Bag Girl, when on the other side of the street, the door to the gun store is kicked open, revealing Bag Girl and her huge new gun.

 

"Hey roach for brains!"

 

The creature's head turns around and snarls at the sound of her voice.

 

"Eat this!"

 

And she pulls the trigger, sending bullet after bullet into the demon.  
It roars in pain and stumbles backward against the shops behind it as the sickening crunch of cracked exoskeleton on building is added to the deafening sound of the bullets. Its back legs trip over the falling building, causing the head to loll forward for a moment and giving Bag Girl a clear shot at the head.  
The monster seems to freeze for a moment as the large bullet wounds on its head spurt out lime-green blood, then it sags and collapses with a thud that shook the earth. It then began to fade back to whatever plane of existence it came from, leaving behind only pools of the green blood and a large dent where it fell.  
Bag girl tosses the gun to her side and re-adjusts her mask. Looking at where the monster was only moments before.

 

"That-was-AWESOME!!"

 

She does a victory dance of sorts, spinning around and leaping, with plenty of fist pumps thrown in. spotting Flurgg she runs over, they're both all smiles from their exciting victory.

 

"Come on high five!" 

she urges.  
He obliges, but her hand goes right through his, course she's too happy to care.

 

"Flurgg that was great! We make a good team you and I."

 

"Hey hold on, since when did we become a team? I don't do teams, teams is what got me killed in the first place."

he crosses his arms and looks away arrogantly 

"that was a one time thing."

 

There's a moment of awkward silence and Bag Girl rubs the back of her neck as she tends to do in awkward situations. She tries to break the ice.

 

"Sooooooo, you wanna help me collect up all this demon blood and see what happens when you feed it to houseplants?" 

after another short moment of silence and without even changing his expression he answers.

"Yes."

 

And that's all we have time for, tune in next time in  
ATTACK OF THE KILLER CHRYSANTHEMUMS!!!


End file.
